Stutter Steps and tips

I have come to realize that I have developed a new talent since I became a parent. I privately refer to it as a "stutter step". It goes like this: You are walking normally, when you feel your foot start to press down on something you do not want to step on (a leggo, toy car, Polly Pocket shoe, cat poop (Ok, that last one has only happened once and if it ever happens again, I will have a nice cat rug!) ). You immediately push back up on your tip-toes with that foot and continue to walk normally with the other foot. Therefore, there is a "stutter" in your stride. Your body kinda teaches itself this trick after enough pain. You know, writing this makes me think about parenting books and the major problem with them. The writers almost always wait until their children are older and they have more time to write their books. I secretly think they wait until they are pretty sure that their kids are not going to because axe murders so as to not look embarrassed! But by that time, they have forgotten some of the little details that would be helpful. Ergo, here are a few of my tips from the "heat of the battle":

1. When you are getting ready to go somewhere, plan an extra hour. If your schedule is tight, kids know it and drop into "turtle mode".

2. If you just bought a big package of tiny army men, do not, I repeat, do not get up for a drink of water in the night. Trust me, it is better to be thristy.

3. Check everyones nose before you go to church. That is better than them checking it after you get there.

4. Expect your every word and action from home to be repeated in Sunday School.

5. Never ask your kid quietly in the ear at church if they just pooted. The word "pooted + a little kid= Major giggles.

Okay, that is my five tips for today. Read 'em and learn!